The Itinerary
(printed on parchment. burned at the edges. legally binding.)
- Evenin'🕵️
Hang with the elusive 'Vee'
Nick disappears into the Austin night with a friend nobody has met, nobody has photographed, and possibly nobody has confirmed exists. Whereabouts: classified. Alibi: rock solid. Godspeed, cowboy.
who is she
- 9:00 AM💼
Civil time at Matt's office
Nick puts on his 'I'm a real professional' face. Answers 3 Slack messages. Refers to a whiteboard. Says the word 'synergy' unironically.
- 12:30 PM🍹
Margaritas + Baby Orlando
Frozen. Salt rim. On a rocks glass. Held aloft while gently rocking a stroller. Nothing screams responsible adult like day-drinking tequila next to a toddler.
- 5:00 PM🍖
Early family BBQ @ Matt's
Brisket. Bud Heavy. A questionable Californian pinot. Uncle-tier storytelling. Everyone is in bed by 8:30 in spirit.
- 9:00 PM🎤
Comedy Mothership
Late show. Suspiciously edgy material. Nick will laugh at exactly one joke he shouldn't have. We do not talk about it on the Uber home.
- 9:00 AM🔫
Shootin' all sorts of guns
AR-15. Glock. Something with a scope we don't understand. A shotgun 'for the vibes.' Nick will squint like a Marlboro ad and post ONE (1) grainy story to Instagram.
peak americana - 1:00 PM🛥️
Boating till the sun quits
Lake Austin. Cooler full of White Claws that everyone insists they don't like. Someone (Nick) will attempt the wakeboard. Someone (Nick) will eat it.
- ??:?? PM🌃
Where the night takes us™
Legally we cannot commit to a plan. Historically this ends on Rainey Street. Statistically someone loses a shoe. Bring cash. Bring electrolytes. Bring a lawyer.
unhinged
- 11:00 AM🥶
Barton Springs cold plunge
68°F of glacial regret. Nick will scream. Nick will pretend it's 'actually kind of refreshing.' Nick's soul will briefly leave his body and then return, born again.
- 1:30 PM🥩
BBQ lunch (maybe)
Franklin's if we're delusional. Terry Black's if we're realistic. La Barbecue if we're right. Order the brisket. Order more brisket. Then a sausage. Then more brisket.
- Evening🌙
Round 2 with Vee 👀
The mystery deepens. No further comment from the Cowboy Linds camp at this time. A statement will be released Monday. Or never.
still no photos
- Whenever💻
Work from the office (real professional)
Complimentary desk. Complimentary water. Complimentary judgment about your Zoom background being a wall of Modelo empties.
- The rest✨
Anything else that springs to mind
Tacos? Vintage shopping on South Congress? A third meeting with Vee? Ranch tour? The itinerary is your oyster, cowboy. Fire off requests, we'll make it happen.
Alternate Cowboy Provided
Also, this version of Nick exists
Bleach-blonde. Deep in thought. Possibly composing a text to Vee. Possibly wondering if he packed enough linen. Both Nicks are welcome in Austin. Both Nicks will be fed brisket.
Packing List (Non-Negotiable)
- ☐Boots. Real ones. No Chelseas.
- ☐An electrolyte plan for Sunday.
- ☐One (1) sequin hat (already confirmed).
- ☐The mystery friend Vee's phone number.
- ☐Sunscreen. It's 104°F. You are Australian.
- ☐A neutral opinion on gun control.
- ☐Swim shorts you don't mind losing.
- ☐An open mind and a closed tab.